Good morning everyone. I wasn't sure where to go with this question but was curious if anybody ever had anything like this happened to them before. I am a newer physician assistant working in a surgical step down unit. Early yesterday morning I got a call from an incoming transfer from the surgical ICU. As per protocol, I went to get hand off and talk to the patient to make sure they were floor appropriate. I woke the patient up and probably startled him a bit ( I hate transfers in the middle of the night). As soon as he was fully awake and he looked up at me, I had a strange, but fleeting thought: this person is going to code tonight. I didn't think on it too much, because as far as I could tell, everything about the patient was normal and stable. The patient transfer to the floor around midnight. Around 0430, a code blue was called on the floor and lo and behold it was my patient who just transferred. Unfortunately, the patient did not make it. I've been replaying the whole scenario in my mind since I got up yesterday afternoon as 1) this was my first code I started running by myself and my first death on the floor 2) it's Christmas morning and the patient was supposed to discharge home this morning and obviously 3) I had that crazy thought about him dying, and he did. I feel embarrassed for reaching out, but wondering if anyone has ever experienced something similar to this? I just feel a bit crazy. TIA
Edit: thank you all for the kind, support comments. As an previous RT, I've seen aIot of death, but think things hit a little harder when they happen on your watch, especially when unexpected. I feel bad for the wife too, she was in shock, stating that she actually felt bad we had to call her and tell her this on Christmas morning, which was so heartbreaking. Sigh 😞