Seeing the things in vaginas thread reminded me of a story I wanted to share. Feel free to share your own male counterparts.
17yo boy and his mother come into the ER. Triage note says "testicular pain". He starts with "You know how sometimes when you're bored your mind wanders?" Not sure how we're getting to testicular pain from that, but keep going Mark Twain. "Well, I was looking down at my balls and thought they should be a lot bigger". Alright... not the part of the anatomy in that region that's typically the focus of size conversations.
"So, I went ahead and tried to make them bigger. I took a safety pin and stabbed each of them while spinning it around to make a small hole." I had to ask him if there was any chance he thought he may have pierced the actual testicle itself. "No, no, I was careful"...
"After I made the holes, I took some coffee straws and telescoped them together. I then put the straws into the holes and blew into them to try to inflate them " complete with him playing charades and looking much like a flight attendant showing me how to inflate my life jacket. "I was a bit worried that they might feel too light since I only put air in them, so I tried spitting into the straws to give them more heft". Keep in mind, he is currently telling me this story in front of his mother who is sitting in the corner probably questioning how this was the sperm that actually made it.
"When I was satisfied with how they felt, I saw some Ginseng powder in my mom's cabinet and it said that it improved blood flow. So I put some of that on there as well." And by put, he means caked on in a thick layer like someone had plastered his sack.
I will say, he was wildly successful in his attempt. His balls were massive. He hadn't been counting on the whole extremely painful and scalding hot part though. And in case anybody had any doubts about how careful he had been, he HAD pierced both of the actual testicles. Last I saw his chart a couple days later, he was on his 3 debridement. His mom shared that his older brother had recently found out he was unable to have kids due to fertility issues and this whole ordeal was crushing her.